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Mai in Wonderland - Chapter 8

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Chapter 8: A Mad Tea Party



After making her way out of the woods, Mai spotted a large white house with a mint green roof, rectangular-shaped windows, and a yellow door. There was also a white brick chimney on the roof, as well as a hedge wall that surrounded a white gate that led to a grand garden.

“How very curious,” she said, as she then proceeded toward the gate. She could hear singing coming from the garden, as she then spotted two men sitting at a large table filled with empty chairs, tons of teapots made in various colors, shapes, and sizes that were whistling out steam in song, and many matching saucers and teacups.

If there are no objections
Let it be unanimous
Oh, a very merry unbirthday
A very merry unbirthday
A very merry unbirthday to us!


Mai took a peek from behind a large red chair and a smile of delight formed on her face. There was a wonderful tea party going on in the garden! She then came out from behind the chair and stood in front of it, though the steam was blocking her view as if she were lost in a thick fog. One of the two people was a humanoid rabbit with Tristan’s hair and face, who had furry tan ears and a big pink nose with whiskers sprouting out next to it. He was wearing a maroon waistcoat, a white classic shirt with a yellow bowtie around his neck, orange slacks with a black belt that had a silver buckle on it, and dark brown dress shoes. The other was a young man with Joey’s hair and face, who was wearing a green top hat with a white piece of paper that had the fraction “10/6” on it, an olive green waistcoat, a white shirt with a bowtie that matched his hat, and aqua green slacks with a brown belt that had a golden buckle on it. There were also a pair of dark brown dress shoes worn on him. Even a Dor-Kuriboh with brown mouse ears and a thin tail appeared beside the two boys, and it had a sleepy look on its mouthless face.

Mai ducked underneath the steam and peeked through the handle of a blue teapot to see them. Those two men she had just seen were indeed the Mad Hatter and the March Hare, as Cheshire Marik had talked to her about earlier!

The Mad Hatter and the March Hare were singing more of their joyous song as they clinked their teacups together and poured tea through their teapots. They were taking turns singing their lines together, starting with the March Hare.

A very merry unbirthday to me
To who?
To me!
Oh, you!
A very merry unbirthday to you
Who, me?
Yes, you!
Oh, me!
Let’s congratulate us with another cup of tea
A very merry unbirthday to you!


The two men and Dor-Kuriboh were startled when they heard Mai clapping in praise for their song, and they all had surprised expressions on their faces. In a panic, the boys ran around the table, shouting out to her and waving their hands in front of them:

“No room! No room! No room! No room!”

“But there’s plenty of room!” Mai said to them, stopping the boys from their panicky run and warning her no room, even though she was absolutely right.

“Ahh, but it’s rude to sit down without being invited,” the March Hare said to her.

“Of course it’s rude!” the Mad Hatter added in agreement with the March Hare. “It’s very, very rude indeed!”

The Dor-Kuriboh then joined in as it spoke in a very tired tone of voice: “Very, very, very rude indeed…”

The little furball then hid itself back into a golden teapot that it had been hidden in the whole time the boys were singing their song.

“Well, I’m terribly sorry,” Mai said to them kindly, “but I did enjoy your singing. I wanted to tell you—”

Just then, the March Hare swiftly approached Mai and sat on the arm of the chair she was sitting on, surprising her.

“You enjoyed our singing?” he repeated to her with a perky smile on his face, holding his hands together and placing them next to the left side of his face.

“Oh, what a delightful lady!” the Mad Hatter complimented, as he clumsily landed his right elbow on a light blue teacup filled with tea. “I’m so excited! We never get compliments like dat before.”

Though the teacup was still stuck on his elbow, the Mad Hatter pointed to it and added: “You must have a cup of tea!”

“Ah, yes, indeed,” the March Hare, picking up a pink teapot and pouring it out. A white saucer and an aqua teacup appeared before Mai’s very eyes, along with the tea.

“That’d be very nice,” Mai said to them. “My name is Mai. I’m sorry I interrupted your birthday party.”

Just as Mai was given the cup of tea, the March Hare swiped it away from her.

“Birthday?” he repeated with a short chuckle as his ears then were straightened up and tied in a knot. “Why, Miss Mai, this is not a birthday party!”

“Of course not!” the Mad Hatter added, pouring tea through his jacket into a yellow teacup with a pale blue teapot. “Dis is an unbirthday party!”

“Unbirthday?” Mai repeated, befuddled by the unfamiliar term. “I’m sorry, but I don’t quite understand it.”

As she was offered the teacup again, Mai reached for it. However, the March Hare swiped it away from her again.

“It’s very simple,” he started to explain to her. “Now, 30 days have Sept—”

The March Hare then realized that it was the wrong explanation he started to give Mai, as he then scratched his head with one of his rabbit ears.

“An unbirthday means that if you have a birthday, then… you… Ohhh… ha ha! She doesn’t know what an unbirthday is!”

“How silly!” the Mad Hatter said with a giggle. “Well, I…” He let out a hiccup, which let out bubbles of tea from his mouth. He then cleared his throat and picked up the teapot before holding it up to his mouth. The steam was squirted out of the spout as the Mad Hatter shook it rapidly, before he finally got to say with another giggle: “I shall clarify.”

The March Hare waved his spoon to conduct the low-pitched and medium-pitched whistles of the teapots, which were bouncing up and down in unison. Even the smallest of the teapots joined in with a very high whistle.

“Now statistics prove, prove dat you’ve one birthday,” the Mad Hatter explained to Mai, who was delighted to hear the definition of an unbirthday courtesy of a song all about it.

“Imagine one birthday every year,” the March Hare added, still conducting the teapots.

“Ahhh, but dere are 364 unbirthdays!” the Mad Hatter said, counting his fingers. The March Hare nodded in agreement as he was waving his spoon around some more, and then added:

“Precisely why we’re gathered here to cheer!”

Now I get it…, Mai thought with a pleased smile on her face. Since I do have one birthday, that means…

She swiftly rose up from the red chair and then announced to the boys: “Then today’s my unbirthday too!”

“It is??” the March Hare exclaimed excitedly.

“What a small world dis is,” the Mad Hatter said with a smile, folding his hands together and placing them on the left side of his face.

The March Hare’s ears twitched upward and he then boasted merrily: “In that case…”

The boys gathered around Mai and held their hands as they danced around her in a circle, and the March Hare started to sing the unbirthday song again:

A very merry unbirthday

“To me?” Mai asked them, still smiling at them.

“To you!” the Mad Hatter answered, taking off his hat to reveal a three-layered birthday cake that had pink frosting, white icing, and a single blue lit candle.

A very merry unbirthday

“For me!” Mai added.

“For you!” the March Hare said, as the Mad Hatter handed over the cake to Mai.

“Now blow out da candle, Miss Mai, and make your wish come true!” the Mad Hatter instructed her, with a delighted chuckle as he took a bit of the white icing and licked it off of his finger.

Mai nodded to them and blew out the candle, and the candle began to spark. The cake then launched out of Mai’s hands like a rocket and it exploded into a colorful display of fireworks that amazed her, whereas the boys sang the last line of their song:

A very merry unbirthday to you!

Once the fireworks and the smoke were clear, the Dor-Kuriboh was drifting downward, reciting in a tired voice:

“Twinkle twinkle, little bat. How I wonder where you’re at. Up above the world you fly, like a tea tray in the sky.”

After the Dor-Kuriboh made its way back into the teapot, the Mad Hatter closed it up.

“Oh, that was lovely,” Mai complimented, clapping in praise for their song, the cake, and the beautiful fireworks display she had just seen.

“And now, Miss Mai. As you were saying, you were seeking… Pardon me,” the Mad Hatter said to her, as he took a dunk of his plate into his cup of tea and took a huge bite of it. “You were seeking some information of some kind?”

“Oh, yes,” Mai answered them, as she was handed an orange teacup filled with tea by the March Hare. “I was looking for a—”

“Clean cup! Clean cup! Move down!” the Mad Hatter boasted, rising from his spot and running over to Mai as he then lifted her out of her seat and took her down the row of chairs.

“But I haven’t used my cup…,” Mai said to him.

The March Hare tossed the orange cup away and followed the two, bursting out into song once again as he tossed many teacups away from the table:

Clean cup, clean cup!
Move down, move down!
Clean cup, clean cup!
Move down, move down!


Once the three took their seats, the Mad Hatter lifted up an orange teapot that had three spouts and poured the tea into three teacups with it.

“Would you like some more tea?” he asked Mai.

“Well, I haven’t had any yet…,” Mai said, shaking a round spoutless green teapot above a teacup in front of her. “So I can’t take more.”

“Ahh, you mean you can’t take less,” corrected the March Hare as he cracked the teapot open like an egg and the tea was pouring into Mai’s cup, much to her surprise.

“Yes. You can always take more than nothing,” the Mad Hatter added, as he dumped an entire bowl full of sugar and patted the top of it with a spoon.

Mai lifted the teacup to her mouth and took a sip of it, only to taste the mountain of sugar that was floating on top of the tea. “But I only meant the—” she started to say, only to be interrupted by the Mad Hatter.

“And now, Miss Mai,” he said to her, sitting on the table like an Indian as he poured tea from a yellow floral teapot into a stack of four teacups. “Something seems to be troubling you.”

He then took a sip from one of the cups, and then added: “Won’t you tell us all about it?”

“Start at the beginning,” the March Hare said, as he was laying on the table.

The Mad Hatter placed a hand on the lid of the yellow teapot before he then joined in: “Yes, yes. And when you come to the end…”

With a chuckle, he lifted the lid off of the teapot and ended his sentence with “stop!”.

Mai nodded to the boys, then she began to explain to them: “It all started while I was sitting by the lake in the park while my friends were playing a game back in my home world.”

“Veeeeeery interesting,” the March Hare complimented, holding a cup of tea and taking a sip from it. He then jolted when the game was mentioned to him by Mai and had a big grin on his face. “What game is it?”

“It’s football, and it’s actually a sport…” Mai explained to them, just as Dor-Kuriboh popped out of the yellow teapot with a scared expression on its mouthless face.

“Football?!” it repeated. “Football!”

The furball came out of the teapot and floated around the table in the panic, frightening Mai, the Mad Hatter, and the March Hare. The Mad Hatter and the March Hare dashed after the panicked Dor-Kuriboh, making a huge mess by knocking over cups of tea, sauces, butter, and teapots in the process. It was quite a struggle as they chased him, but soon, the boys had managed to catch the Dor-Kuriboh.

“Get the jam!” the March Hare shouted, and Mai quickly grabbed a yellow jar full of jam and took a small knife out of there.

“Put it on his face!” the Mad Hatter instructed her, and Mai wiped the jam onto the Dor-Kuriboh’s face. The furball finally calmed down once it felt the jam sticking onto its face, and the Mad Hatter placed it back into the teapot.

“F-F-Football…,” it said in a quiet voice, before slinking slowly back into the teapot. The Mad Hatter let out a sigh of relief as he placed the lid back onto the teapot, feeling glad that it was a close call.

“Thank heavens…,” he said, fixing his clothes. “Those are da things dat distress me so much.”

“See all the trouble you’ve caused?” the March Hare said, pouring tea from a beige-colored teapot into another pale blue teacup as he was sitting cross-legged on a wooden chair. His ears snapped the pouring tea shut, like scissors to a thin ribbon.

“Really, I-I didn’t think that…,” Mai started to say, but she was interrupted by the March Hare.

“Ahh, that’s the point, Miss Mai! if you don’t think, you shouldn’t talk!” he said to her. Just then, the Mad Hatter ran over to them and grabbed Mai’s hand again.

“Clean cup! Clean cup! Move down! Move down! Move down!” he chirped again, tossing the cup of tea away from them as he rapidly pulled Mai up from her seat.

“But I still haven’t—” Mai started to explain, only to be disrupted once again by the March Hare, who sang the ‘move down’ song again:

Move down, move down!
Move down, move down!


Once the three took their new seats, the Mad Hatter then said to Mai: “Now, Miss Mai, as you were saying?”

Mai knew that the boys wanted to hear her story again, so she repeated what she just said before the Dor-Kuriboh’s mad run happened: “Oh, yes. I was sitting by the lake in the park while my friends were playing umm… you know what.”

“I do?” the Mad Hatter asked, giggling in delight as he leaned over to Mai.

Mai nodded to him and she then said as she spelled the word into the Mad Hatter’s ear: “I mean f-o-o-t-b-a-l-l.”

“Tea!” the Mad Hatter chirped, swiftly grabbing a blue teapot.

The March Hare took a butter knife and sliced a matching teacup in half with it. “Just a half a cup of tea, if you don’t mind,” he said, as the Mad Hatter poured the tea into the cup.

“Come, come, Miss Mai,” said the Mad Hatter, as he poured the tea from his cup back into the teapot and drank from it. “Don’t you care for tea?”

“Yes, I’m very fond of tea,” Mai answered him. “But…”

“You could at least make a polite conversation,” the March Hare said to her, and he took a sip from his sliced cup.

Mai then rose up and placed her hands on her hips, frowning at the two boys as she then said to him: “I’ve been trying to ask you…”

The March Hare tapped a mallet on the table three times as he then stood up and announced: “I have an excellent idea. Let’s change the subject.”

He then gave a good whack on the Mad Hatter’s head, causing it to be shoved into his top hat and shaking from the powerful hit.

“Why is a Harpie like a writing desk?” the Mad Hatter asked through his hat.

“Duel monster riddles?” Mai said, raising an eyebrow as she then started to think.

“Let me see now. Why is a Harpie like a writing desk?”

The Mad Hatter was sipping his tea through the hat when he jolted suddenly and nearly dropped his tea.

“I beg your pardon?” he asked her.

"Why is a Harpie like a writing desk?!" Mai repeated crossly, causing the Mad Hatter to drop his tea and his head popped out from underneath his hat.

“Why is a what?!” he exclaimed, his eyes widening in shock. The March Hare scurried over to the Mad Hatter and hid behind him.

“Careful! She’s stark raving mad!” he warned him of Mai.

Mai then swiftly rose up from her chair, unamused by the confusing discussion she was having with the two.

“But it is your silly riddle!” she scolded them with a scowl on her face, wagging a finger in front of them. “You just said…”

The Mad Hatter held a chair with its legs pointing out in front of him, as if it were a shield, and he was shivering in fear of Mai.

“Don't get excited!” he said to her.

“How about a nice cup of tea?” the March Hare asked Mai, as he emerged from the opening of his friend’s hat and holding a cup of tea and saucer in his hand.

“Have a cup of tea, indeed!” Mai snapped, slamming her hand onto the table before storming off from them. “Well, I’m sorry, but I just haven’t the time!”

“The time! The time! Who’s got the time?!” the March Hare shouted, looking left and right.
Just then, the White Rabbit came through the gate, still worried about being tardy.

“No, no, no, no!” he exclaimed anxiously as he walked down the cobblestone path. “No time! No time! No time! Hello, goodbye! I’m late! I’m late!”

Mai swiftly turned to see the White Rabbit as she was about to leave, and her scowl then shifted into an enlightened smile.

“The White Rabbit!” she said of him.

The White Rabbit took out his pocket watch and frantically looked at it as he continued walking. “Oh, I’m so late!” he exclaimed. “I’m so very, very late!”

Just then, he then felt himself being yanked over toward the Mad Hatter, who had just grabbed him by the golden chain of his watch.

“Well, no wonder you’re late!” the Mad Hatter said, pointing to the watch and placing his ear onto it before he rapidly shook it. “Why, dis clock is exactly two days slow!”

“Two days slow?” the White Rabbit repeated, placing his hands on his face.

“’Course you’re late!” the Mad Hatter said to him with a chuckle, as he dunked the watch into a large purple teapot full of tea and slammed it on the table with the March Hare watching him. The watch was opened up and some gears sprung out of it. “My goodness! We’ll have to look into dis.”

He placed a salt shaker onto his right eye and leaned over the insides of the Rabbit’s watch for a close look at it, as the salt was spilling all over the gears and springs that were working within the watch.

“Ah-haaa!” he said. “Now I see what’s wrong with it!”

The Mad Hatter then took a fork and dug into the watch, tossing out many gears and springs out of it. “Why, dis watch is full of wheels!”

“My poor watch!” the White Rabbit exclaimed, as he frantically caught the flying gears and springs into his hands. “Ohh! My poor wheels! And springs!”

He then placed the parts down and hurried over to the Mad Hatter and the March Hare, stuttering: “But-But-But-But …”

“Butter!” the Mad Hatter finished the White Rabbit’s sentence. “Of course it needs butter! Butter!”

“BUTTER!” the March Hare shouted through the White Rabbit’s long white ears.

“Bu-Bu-Butter?” the White Rabbit repeated, becoming perplexed as he took a plate of butter from the table. Just then, he saw the Mad Hatter take the plate of butter from him, much to his alarm.

“Butter! Oh, thank you! Butter!” the Mad Hatter chirped, spreading the butter onto the watch with the knife as he let out another brief chuckle. “Dat’s fine.”

“Oh no! No, no, no, no!” the White Rabbit exclaimed, running over to the Mad Hatter. “You’ll get crumbs in it!”

“Ohhh, dis is da very best butter!” the Mad Hatter said, throwing the plate of butter in the White Rabbit’s face and causing him to fall to the ground. “What are you talking about?”

“Tea?” the March Hare answered, holding the blue teapot with one finger.

“Tea! Oh I never thought of tea! Of course!” the Mad Hatter replied to him, taking the tea and pouring it over the buttered watch. “Tea! Hee hee hee!”

The White Rabbit had just gotten up and cleaned himself up from the butter, as he then ran over toward the table. “No! No!” he exclaimed worriedly. “Not tea!”

The March Hare placed his right foot in front of the White Rabbit as he was holding the bowl of sugar with his right index finger.
“Sugar?”

“Sugar! Two spoons! Yes!” the Mad Hatter replied, as he was handed the two spoons by the March Hare. “Two spoons! Thank you!”

The Mad Hatter took the two spoons and shoved them into the watch with his hands, causing more parts of the watch to pop out of it.

“P-Please be careful!” the White Rabbit cried as he ran, only to receive the jar of ham from the March Hare.

“Jam!” the March Hare said to his friend.

“Jam! Oh, I forgot all about da jam!” the Mad Hatter replied, taking the jar from the White Rabbit and dumping the jam onto the buttered watch in spite of the White Rabbit’s desperate pleas to be careful with the watch.

“Mustard!” the March Hare added, holding a jar of mustard with his left foot as he was sitting at the table with his legs on it.

“Mustard, yes…,” the Mad Hatter said, as he took the mustard and pulled a spoon out of it. He suddenly widened his eyes in shock and threw the spoon away, whereas he placed his left hand on his hip and held the mustard jar in his right hand.

“MUSTARD!? Ahh, don’t let’s be silly!”

The Mad Hatter tossed the mustard jar and picked up a lemon slice that was on the table next to him.

“Lemon. Dat’s different,” he said, squeezing the lemon above the watch. The lemon juice dripped onto the jam-covered, buttered watch like rain onto a leaf, and the Mad Hatter shut the watch.

“Dere! Dat should do it!” he said, as he cleaned the jam with the butter knife, chuckling again.

The watch suddenly began ringing and opened up again, releasing more springs and gears as it was bouncing on the table like crazy. The four people had different things to say in reaction to the malfunctioning watch.

“Look at dat!”

“Oh no…”

“Oh my Ra.”

“Oh dear!”

The watch was still bouncing on the table, spitting out even more of its springs and gears as it kept opening and closing rapidly like an oyster shell.

“Mad watch,” the March Hare exclaimed with a frightened look on his face. “Mad watch! Mad watch!”

He then took out the mallet as the watch continued to malfunction and spin out of control on the table, and stepped onto the edge of the table.

“There’s only one way to stop a mad watch!”

With that said, the March Hare gave the watch a powerful whack with his mallet, thus stopping the madness that was happening just now. However, the watch was now completely damaged and covered in jam and butter.

“Two days slow, dat’s what it is,” the Mad Hatter said, shoving the piled mess to the White Rabbit. The poor rabbit had tears in his eyes as he looked at his destroyed watch.

“Ohhh… my watch…,” he sobbed.

“It was??” the Mad Hatter asked him.

“It was an unbirthday present to me…” the White Rabbit added, still crying. Just then, he was lifted by the Mad Hatter and the March Hare.

“In that case…,” the March Hare said to him, and the boys began swinging the White Rabbit back and forth like a jump rope as they sang the important line of their unbirthday song:

A very merry unbirthday to you!

The Mad Hatter and the March Hare tossed the White Rabbit over the hedge, and Mai swiftly ran over to the gate as she called out: “Mr. Rabbit! Oh, Mr. Rabbit!”

She opened the gate and looked around, but there was no sight of the White Rabbit.

“Now where did he go to?” she said with a frustrated sigh. Mai heard the boys singing their unbirthday song and having their crazy tea party all over again, just as it was when she first met them.

“Of all the silly nonsense…,” Mai said, shaking her head in disgust as she marched away from the garden. “This is the most idiotic tea party I have ever been to in all my life!”

Mai then stopped in the forest and stomped her foot on the ground, frustrated about the most insane tea party she had ever seen and the two mad men she had to see under Cheshire Marik’s advice.

“I’ve had enough of this nonsense!” she complained, taking an eastern path that led to a dark part of the woods. “I’m going home! Straight home!”
This is the second longest chapter I have written so far! I personally think the chapter is humorous, due to the Mad Hatter's stupid yet crazy personality and the tea party Mai has with them. I hope you all remember the Mad Tea Party and enjoy this chapter! :)

Chapter Summary: Mai visits the Mad Hatter, the March Hare, and the Dor-Kuriboh during their mad tea party and thinks it is a birthday party for them. However, she learns from them that it is actually an "unbirthday" party and joins in the fun, until things become awkward due to the boys' idiocy and the White Rabbit's watch is destroyed by them. He is tossed out of the garden by the two, and Mai is unsuccessful in catching him after she goes off after him again. She becomes fed up with all the insanity she has encountered throughout her adventure and decides to find her way home... that is, if she knows where the only way home is.

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Yu-Gi-Oh! (c) Kazuki Takahashi
Alice in Wonderland (c) Lewis Carroll & Disney
© 2014 - 2024 StellarFairy
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MutouYuugiAiboufan's avatar
That sure was a long chapter, but a really good one.